This article appears on Elite Daily.
I know the argument that it’s possible to stay friends with an ex. You can’t. There is quite the difference between remaining friendly and remaining friends.
Remaining friendly with an ex is where you two run into each other, and neither of you is yelling. It’s possible to end a relationship on mutual terms and not be bitter. However, it’s impossible to move forward with your life if you willingly remind yourself of your ex.
You can’t remain friends with an ex. When a relationship ends, the friendship ends as well. The friendship was in jeopardy the moment you two decided to date. When you still go out with your ex, call them, or even follow them on social media, you’re forcing yourself always to have their memory in the emotional rotation. In doing so, you are shutting the door on the person who is truly right for you. You can’t want to meet your other half while forcing the memory of your ex. Not how this shit works.
It’s like the more someone hurts us, the more we want to believe that they’re the right person for us. Not true. If someone hurts you, that doesn’t mean that it’s true love because they had the ability to hurt you. It means that your old flame was selfish and didn’t care about you or your relationship.
If you continue to stay friends with an ex, you won’t ever have the time to acknowledge and understand why that relationship didn’t work. Instead, you’ll keep wondering if maybe they are the right person even though a larger part of you knows that they aren’t. Maybe you’re still friends because you want that person as a backup in case it turns out that your perfect person doesn’t exist. Well, if you keep seeing your ex, you’re never going to find that perfect person.
What are even the reasons for staying friends with an ex? Is it that they understand you? Not enough if you two are exes. Is it because they supported you? Well, not enough if you two are exes. Is it because you enjoyed their company? Well clearly not enough if you two are exes. Are you using the well we had to be long distance and the timing wasn’t right excuse to remain friends with an ex? Not a great excuse because if the relationship was meant to work, then the long distance wouldn’t have been an issue.
I understand that my ideas are not well liked, or maybe even supported. I’ve been left for an ex on multiple occasions, so maybe I’m a bit biased. I even believe that right now I won’t find my perfect person because he is strung out on his ex. I won’t be shocked if that’s the situation at hand. I will tell you this much. It sucks being the new person. It sucks knowing that your door may never open because your other half is too busy wondering if his old flame was the right one. If your old flame wasn’t the right one twice in a row, they probably aren’t the right one. How this concept is rocket science, I don’t understand.
Maybe one day I will be lucky enough to find a man who isn’t at war with his feelings for his ex. Until then, I will continue to hope that we’ll understand that exes are exes for a reason, and then move on with our lives.