I always say that there is one perfect person for everybody. That does not mean I don’t think you can love multiple people within one lifetime, or even at one time, but I believe that there is one person out there who is the perfect complement to your soul.
I was single for eight out of the ten years of my twenties. I’m still single now, but I’m 30. In my twenties, I went on dates with various men, all who seemed to be different. What I found is that each of these men had a quality that I liked, but not the whole package. And if I found someone who I liked, I was not right for them.
It truly is a sad and vicious cycle. But, it’s also why I hold tight on to my belief that there is one man out there who was made specifically for me, and me specifically for him. It’s a majority of the reason that I will always choose years of being alone over settling on a partner. I don’t want to adjust my personality to win the heart of the intelligent man or downplay my passion for a guy who can’t handle it.
And although I feel lonely at times, I remind myself as to why I believe that there is a perfect person for me, and why I should never give up hope and settle for the next best thing. And the best way to remind myself is to take a quick glance at the men I have dated.
I tend to date guys that haven’t finished high school. In truth, I don’t do that on purpose; it’s just my luck of the draw. Most of the time, these guys are stuck in such an old pattern that they can’t see what they have in front of them: a well-educated, independent, and adventurous woman. So, after continually dating high school drop outs, I decided to start dating guys who are well educated.
These well-educated guys didn’t like me because I was too wild in my early years. Granted, I am nowhere near as wild now as I was then, but I still have the qualities of a wild child. I swear too often, which I guess makes me appear as unintelligent. Most of the time, I don’t get a second date with the nerdy guys. I guess my working class upbringing is too undesirable for their idea of a partner.
I tried dating jocks, but I only had luck among the hockey players and soccer players, most who are foreign. I’m not complaining since I’m drawn to European men and their native languages. But the athletes lasted for the few nights it was meant to last, except for the one hockey player that lasted for two years.
The point is that I have dated men from all walks of life. I’ve dated older guys, younger guys, college educated guys, and the never finished high school guys. I have no luck among any of them. And the only reason I can think of is that the Universe only made one of me, and therefore, only made one man who is my other half. A man who is the perfect blend of working class and intelligent. Wild, yet reformed. Strong, but can feel emotions. Passionate and calm. Serious with a sense of humor. A homebody who enjoys seeing the world.
If I can be all of these things, then why wouldn’t they have made another one of these people for me?
The world is vast, and I believe that the Universe must have created a man specifically for me; we just haven’t met yet. They must have created just one who not only has, what I consider, the perfect looks, but also a blended personality, like me.
But if I have to wait a few more years before the Universe blesses me with his presence, then so be it. I will patiently wait for him to arrive, and possibly enjoy others in the meantime, while I continue fulfilling my purpose in this lifetime. And the fact that he hasn’t appeared yet leads me to believe that I have just a bit more life to live before we can be reunited, and I plan to enjoy every minute of the journey. I know that in the end, our reunion will be even more beautiful than I ever could have imagined.
One thought on “Why I Remain Single, Even If My Loneliness Begs Me To Settle”
A very sad commentary.